Already Too Late

“Bless the LORD, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name!  Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies.” (Psalm 103:3)

This psalm describes how faithful God is in the face of our faithlessness.  Mine in particular.  I have shared a little bit of my testimony of God’s healing of my alcoholism, but no one knows how bad it really was or how close I really was to dying.  It is my prayer that this testimony will help someone who is where I was and can find God’s healing power before it’s really too late.

I was a Christian.  I was a mature, spirit-filled Christian who somehow fell into the darkest pit I’ve ever encountered.  It was the pit of alcoholism.  I fell into it through deep wounds that festered into unforgiveness and hatred.  I walked away from God completely.  I returned to the partying lifestyle I used to live in when I was in the world.  I blamed God for all my troubles–my failed marriage, my broken dreams.  I laid it all at His feet.  How that must have hurt Him!

Even now as I write this, I cry because I know how much I hurt Him with my rebellious attitudes about Him and life in general.  But there was one thing I didn’t think about in my trek back to the world.  And that was how much I missed Him.  I ached for that fellowship that I had cast away. I had no peace.  I was completely open and in Satan’s territory.   So I medicated the pain of not only the wounds life had dealt me, but the pain of being away from Him–my heavenly Father and my Savior.

It started with the little wine coolers and progressed to regular little wine bottles.  From there it went to the regular sized bottles of wine and from there it went to the big bottles and the boxes of wine.  In a fairly short period of time, I was drinking wine like water every single day.  Eventually though, that wasn’t enough.  I decided to switch to rum and before I knew it I had been drinking every day for over 6 years.  I realized that I was hopelessly addicted to alcohol.  It had me by the throat.

Every morning I would make the decision to not drink that day, but by five o’clock, I was pouring a triple strength rum and coke drinks.  I drank those until eleven or twelve at night, one after the other.  Every morning I would wake up with a horrible hangover that took most of the day to recover from, especially on weekend nights.  I would nurse myself and say “no more!” But five o’clock would come and I couldn’t resist it any longer.  The vicious cycle continued night after night, and year after year.

I drank for a little over ten years.  In the fourth year, I cried out to God.  I asked Him to forgive me and help me out of this pit I was in.  I felt Him come and He did begin to work in my life, but I had not fully repented of this.  I was still drinking the same as I was the day I cried out to Him.  Another six years I kept praying and hoping one day I would get out of the pit.  I tried everything.  I took supplements–I even listened to a hypnosis CD, which was a disaster!  A child of God–backslidden or not should never do that.  The results of that are a whole other story!  It was a silent struggle for me because I didn’t want anyone to know how bad off I really was.

The last year of my drinking, I had graduated to drinking a half-gallon of rum every 4 to 5 days.  I would go to one liquor store and buy a half-gallon on Friday afternoon before five.  By Tuesday morning, I was out or didn’t have enough to drink that night, so I would have to scrape together thirty dollars and go to my other liquor store and buy another half-gallon.  By Friday, I was out again.  The whole time, I knew I was destroying my liver and my health.  I could tell because I was having all kinds of physical problems.  Digestive problems, blood pressure problems, blood sugar problems, obesity problems.  I was a physical mess.

Suddenly it got to the point where after only one or two of my triple-strength rum and cokes, I was falling down drunk.  I always was able to function fully even after drinking a whole fifth of rum.  My liver was failing, unbeknownst to me.  I started getting scared at the changes I was seeing.  Then one night, about two in the morning, I had to throw up.  I went to the bathroom and vomited up blood out of my liver that looked like coffee grounds.  I’m sorry to be graphic, but it is important for me to share how serious my condition was.  I vomited up a huge amount of blood.  I didn’t think it would ever quit coming out.  Finally, after I cleaned myself up, I went back to bed.

The next day, I couldn’t drink I was so sick.  I got past that day, and the next day I drank only a couple of drinks simply because I couldn’t resist it anymore.  The next morning about 6 AM on March 24, 2009, Jesus spoke to me.  I heard Him so clear.  He said “Micki, there is no more grace for your drinking.  You must quit immediately or you are going to die.”  I knew at that moment that it was time to make the hard choice.  I could no longer bury my head in the sand about it.  I finally repented–I made the choice to walk away from the alcohol and back to God.  In that moment, God moved.  When I repented fully–He moved immediately to save me.

I was honest with Him.  I said Lord, I am hopelessly addicted to this stuff, You have to give me the strength to quit.  As it happened, I had a doctor’s appointment that day to discuss my blood work from the week before.  My doctor bluntly told me that my liver enzymes were very high and that I had to quit drinking immediately.  She knew I had a drinking problem, but I never told her how much I was drinking.  I didn’t tell her about the blood I vomited either, or else she would have put me into the hospital.  I didn’t have insurance, so I just couldn’t go to the hospital.  It was all up to God to fix this mess.

I asked my doctor to give me something to help with the anxiety of not drinking when five o’clock came around.  She did but she said “you have thirty days to get over this, because I won’t give you any more of these pills.”  I agreed.  So far, since I repented, the Lord provided some physical relief from anxiety and confirmation that I had indeed heard His voice.  Here is the wonderful miracle that He did for me:

He put me to bed.  For the next three weeks I slept twenty hours a day.  I got up at six and ate a little something, then went right back to bed and slept until one or two in the afternoon.  I got up and took my herbs and ate a little something and went back to bed and slept until six that evening.  I got up and fixed supper and took my little pill.  I sat with my boyfriend until nine and went back to bed until six the next morning.  I slept and slept and slept.  After three weeks, I started feeling better and stronger.  I kept taking my herbs and vitamins.  Soon I found I didn’t even want to take the little pill the doctor gave me.

After a month, I went back to the doctor to discuss my blood work again.  She was amazed that my liver enzymes were completely within the normal range.  She said “your liver enzymes are perfectly normal!”  The LORD had completely healed my destroyed liver in less than a month.  I have never touched another drop of alcohol since March 24, 2009 and by His grace I never will again until I am in the Kingdom drinking the New Wine Jesus will have for me!

Eventually God moved me back home to Louisiana near my family.  It was hard to leave my boyfriend and friends I had up there, but sometimes hard choices have to be made.  Since I’ve been back with the LORD, He has completely restored my health.  To this day, my liver is still fully healed.  All subsequent blood tests on my liver would never show how much I had been drinking.  Always perfectly normal.

Then one day as I was pondering on that dark period and the miracle God had done for me, I was curious about that coffee grounds vomit, so I Googled it.  I found that it indicated severe liver damage and immediate doctor’s care was needed.  I never went to the hospital.  I never had one DT.  I never had one seizure.  He had healed me that completely.

I suddenly realized how close to death I really was, because when Jesus spoke those words to me, it was ALREADY TOO LATE.  In the physical world, I should have died in 2009 some time because my liver was already too far gone.  It certainly could not possibly return to normal function in less than a month!  I realized the extent of the miracle God had done in my life.  He saved my life from certain death.  Once I repented…He moved to save me from death.  He loves me that much.

Not too long ago I was pondering why He had done this work in me.  So many others who were hopelessly addicted to alcohol and crying out for help, have since died of it.  Why me?  I don’t have the answers to the question of why others weren’t healed.  That is something only God knows.  What I do know it that since I have returned to God, He has been using me to reach the lost right here on this little blog.  A little insignificant blog about the goodness of God has reached many people across the world.  He has placed me in a church in leadership positions.  He has blessed me with a home and a good job.  He has blessed me with supernatural provisions above what I could have imagined.

This dark struggle and the victory that God has brought me, has fully solidified my faith in His ability and His willingness to heal and deliver.  Nobody can ever take that away from me because I KNOW that it was already too late for me to survive and He healed me so I can today glorify His name.

Thank You Jesus, for saving my life…I am forever grateful

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Blessings everyone…

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